Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
