I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
