nut hugger
our cab driver is having phone sex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
