Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
