almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm getting married
To pizza
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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