saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
