3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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