i think my mom watched the whole time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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