Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
