Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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