I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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