once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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