I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
