how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
