So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
