My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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