I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
