I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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