someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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