I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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