I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
