If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
