The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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