If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
