to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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