His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
