So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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