your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
