They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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