I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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