Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
