dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
