I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
