he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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