I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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