At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
