I think I just saw someone hide a body.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
All the doctor said was why
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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