even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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