he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
tell me about the eggs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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