the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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