I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
