Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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