the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
