I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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