does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
