We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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