why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
