1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just invented taco cereal.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
