watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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