By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
