just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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